Today’s job market requires many people to move away from the neighborhood where they grew up. This means making new friends and finding a new community. Unsurprisingly, the workplace is the most convenient place to seek social relationships. This can be a good thing for most, but a nightmare for some, especially with rapid changes in social rules. Most companies assume that women and men work most effectively together when sexual attraction, competition, and gender differences are managed. A list of things to remember is presented here to increase productivity during close encounters.

1. Sexual Attraction is Normal in Gender Encounters.

We learn early in life that we should be attracted to the opposite sex. So, it feels natural to many to feel attracted toward the opposite gender even if you are in a faithful relationship. Allowing attraction to cause you to behave inappropriately will cause trouble for you and others in the workplace. Tip: Consider the consequences of dating, intimate comments, and inappropriate gestures for the work environment.

2. It is Okay to Give Nice Comments to the Opposite Sex:

Fear of litigation can paralyze a person or organization. Relax. You can still be friendly without being sued. Just keep the word “Nice” in mind. Being nice means telling a woman that her hair looks good or her dress is nice. Such comments and non-verbals indicating that you are lusting after her are not “Nice.” Stick with good intentions. If you felt that something you said may have been misunderstood, ask the person if she or he was offended. Most people will not be offended and those who were uncertain about the meaning of your comment will appreciate an opportunity for clarification.

3. Power Relations Determine the Sexual Time Bomb.

A superior who gets involved with a subordinate is never a good idea. It will not be a secret. Fellow workers will know. It will cause tension, and a lot of energy will be put into the company working through it. Today, harassment laws define such relationships as a cause for litigation. Tip: If you must get into a relationship, be willing to give up your job for the person. (See Working with Men: Women in the Workplace by Beth Milwid)

4. Women and Men Tend to Use Different Strategies in Their Talk:

Deborah Tannen[1] shows that women often carefully package their words to maintain and establish intimacy. Men tend to be less sensitive to intimacy in opting for statements that set up competitive games. Certainly, most men and women do not follow these patterns to the tee. Tannen’s ideas merely help us realize that we must be sensitive to gender differences and open to learning more about them. Tip: The more one knows about the opposite sex’s communication style, the less confusing the messages.

5. Why Don’t You Listen to Me?

One of the women’s biggest complaints about working with men is frustration with not being heard. Research evidence shows that men often interrupt each other and interrupt women more. While women can benefit from learning the competitive game of men’s talk, men can learn a lot by listening more, especially to women. Tip: Both competitive and solidarity talk serve important social functions; learn the difference and use the two wisely.

6. Pay Attention to How the Opposite Sex Responds to You.

The fact that men and women tend to communicate differently signals caution. Be yourself, but pay attention to how the opposite sex responds to you. People tell you subtly that they are offended or uneasy with others. Be sensitive to pitch, intonation, and other nonverbal cues that may signal communication problems. Tip: Do not hesitate to ask others if you have offended someone. Most will welcome your “honest” effort to connect with them.

7. Study the Power Status Quo.

One way to quickly understand gender relations at work is to study the organization’s power relations. What is the ratio of women to men at your institution? What is the gender ratio among managers and the top brass? What are the workplace relationships, maternity leave, and promotion/retention policies? By answering these and related questions, you can quickly evaluate the extent to which gender-related power imbalance creates trouble for an organization. Tip: Ask the questions before you take the job.

8. Don’t Take Advantage of Your Power.

The power superiors have over subordinates is obvious. Subordinates in large companies have the power of EEO and fair employment practice laws in their favor. A recent Supreme Court ruling makes it important for companies to show good faith efforts to protect employees from harassment. This is a direct consequence of superiors taking advance of their power. Many companies are also concerned that subordinates will use the laws to pressure companies into compensation when no harm occurs. Neither superiors nor subordinates should use their power to protect the innocent.

9. Women Managers May Manage Differently from Men.

A female manager may make requests that step on the toes of the independent, competitive male subordinate. She must understand that the subordinate may judge her efforts to achieve solidarity as a lack of trust in his competency. The male subordinate needs to realize that she is showing support and a need to collaborate. Tip: Ask yourself if gender differences in how to do things contribute to difficulties with the opposite sex.

10. Enrich Your Life.

Learning to manage cross-gender communication can enrich the lives of men and women. Managers will be more effective. Subordinates will receive better evaluations. Cross-gender communication is difficult, but a little awareness and resilience can go a long way. Tip: Hang in there. It took you a long time to master your gender-based behaviors. It will take a while to mesh it with that of the opposite gender. Be patient and enjoy the small cumulative gains.

If you find this article valuable, you may want to consider the DELA online course, Managing for Cultural Diversity, Equity & Inclusion training program.